


Worthless as Chocolate Coconut Candy

by ImaKaraTabiHe



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 22:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6096472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaKaraTabiHe/pseuds/ImaKaraTabiHe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Failing at making chocolate coconut candy is the last straw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worthless as Chocolate Coconut Candy

**Author's Note:**

> I've never really used trigger warnings, but this is sad and contains some depressing thoughts.

Peter looks at his creation, wondering where he went wrong. It was the coconut and the butter. He added too much half-and-half cream. It just wouldn't stay together. Then it was the chocolate that just kept burning no matter what he did.

He bit his lip, trying not to cry as he drizzled his pathetic chocolate over the misshapen mounts of coconut mixture. This was absolutely sickening. It was worthless. He was worthless. What the fuck was he trying to do making chocolate coconut candies? He had no idea what he was doing. Even though it said “easy recipe,” Peter couldn't find anything easy about this shitty attempt. 'Easy to fail, maybe,' he scoffed in self disgust.

There were pieces and blobs of the coconut mixture that had been thrown from the bowl when he'd tried to “combine” the fucking mixture. The fuck did it mean by combine if he wasn't doing it right in the first place? Peter practically threw the dirty dishes in the sink before he swept the coconut in his hand and threw it in the trash with the recipe. 'Can't fucking do anything right,' he thought to himself.

He grabbed the cookie sheet with the wax paper and chocolate-coconut blobs on it and headed for the fridge. It made him so furiously upset when he had to move jars and random shit out of the way. The cookie sheet still wouldn't fit. Fuming, he slid the wax paper down on the shelf in the fridge, just about crying when the blobs upended themselves, landing on the melted chocolate side.

Closing the fridge, he felt tears sting his eyes. 'Worthless,' he repeated to himself. 'I'm so fucking worthless.' He leaned back on the fridge door, sliding down until he hit the ground and let his tears flow. 'I can't make such an easy recipe, how could I ever be a superhero,' he venomously thought to himself.

He got up and with a sudden bout of self-hatred threw the cookie sheet, embedding it in the Tower wall. Peter laughed bitterly as tears streaked his cheeks. It wasn't enough to make him feel any better. He wanted to beat the shit out of the walls, pound them until his fists bled. He bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood as he tried to remain in control of his power.

His body was tense with fiery anger and he just wanted to let go and destroy everything. He slid down onto the rock floor, feeling the cool stones against his skin. 'Worthless, useless, waste of space,' he yelled at himself. Peter felt pleasure whacking his head on the floor. “Stupid, idiot, dumbass...” With each word he beat his head on the rock, willing everything to end.

The pain was dizzying and so very satisfying. “Fucking useless!” He cried to himself. His vision blurred from the trauma and a stream of blood fell into his eye. Peter cackled sadly, seeing the once white rock floor, red with his own blood. “Just die already,” he told himself. “Just… just make it all stop…”

Peter curled up, sobbing on the floor in his own blood. With the blood loss, he went in and out of consciousness but he was beyond caring. He just wanted the pain to end. He was worthless as a hero and useless as a person. No one needed Spider-Man or Peter Parker. He licked his lips at one point, tasting his own blood, happy with the fact that he could die – just like that. No one would find him.

Finally, he let it all just fade away in darkness. He found solace in an icy numb abyss.

 

Waking up was the most disappointing experience. Obviously he was still alive. He would still continue to hurt and be hurt. Why had he been saved? Had it been bad luck? No… The white walls and the steady beeping of a heart monitor were dead give-a-ways.

Peter blinked, hissing in pain as the light from the Tower Medbay beat into his pupils. God, someone had saved him. Bringing his hand up, he felt the rough patches of bandages on his head. He frowned, unhappily.

It couldn't have been Jarvis. Ever since Peter had started feeling down in the dumps, he'd disable Jarvis' internal watch in his quarters. Had Jarvis remained active, the Avengers would surely find out and he'd be put on suicide watch or some other medical nonsense that would keep Spider-Man from going out and being useful.

He cursed, pulling himself upright and jerking the IV from his arm. He did not need it. Even if he did, he hated hospitals with a passion and would jerk it out anyways. His physiology was superior to normal humans. Peter could get away with healing on his own. He growled as he ripped off the heart monitors.

“Ah- ah- ah!” A voice called, causing Peter's head to snap towards the source. Tony. He groaned loudly. “You're grounded until you're better.” Peter gave him a bland look. “Seriously?”

Tony looked right back at him with an unusual air of seriousness. “Seriously. And you know why?” Peter rolled his eyes, body tense. “Because I fell and hit my head on the floor?”

Tony narrowed his eyes at Peter. “Is that really how you want to spin it? Spider-Man falls and hits his head on the floor?” Peter shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

“Uh-uh. I don't think so.” Tony shook his head. “Normally it might be nice for Clint to have something to laugh at you over, but this isn't it.” Peter gritted his teeth and glared at Tony.

“I'm sorry, what?” Peter questioned, angrily. Tony just glared right back at him. “Enough of your bullshit. We both know how your got hurt. You did it to yourself,” Tony snapped at Peter, who just rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure. Like you give a shit,” Peter yelled at him, control breaking.

Tony blinked, taken back. It was like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Peter really felt like Tony didn't care? Guilt bubbled up as Tony blamed himself for not seeing the signs sooner. How could anyone – how could he not have realized that Peter was feeling this way.

“I do.” Tony voiced, tears forming in his eyes. “Peter, I care about you.” It made his heart ache to see Peter scoff, features twisted in disbelief.

“As if you could give a rat's ass about me. Obviously I'm not good enough to join your little clubhouse.” Peter replied, self-hatred more than evident in his voice. Tony reached out and rested a hand on Peter's shoulder, only for him to shrug it off.

“Peter-” Tony's voice cracked. “Peter, what – are you thinking you're not good enough?” Peter laughed bitterly. “Isn't that what you all think?” He gestured to the rest of the Tower. “No, Peter we-” Peter cut him off. “Yes, you do!” Peter smacked Tony's outstretched hand away.

“Every single time I make a mistake, that's all your thinking about! Every single one of you!” Peter scrambled off the bed and backed into the wall, shouting at Tony, unaware that his voice cracked. “You look at me like I'm such a disappointment! Like you're better off without me!”

Tony stood there, frozen. He looked like his heart was shattering into little pieces.

“I'm worthless to you! I never do anything right! No matter what I do, it's never good enough! I'm never good enough!” Unbidden and unnoticed, tears were streaming down Peter's cheeks, pupils blown wide with emotional distress. “Nothing is ever going to be good enough...”

Tony could see the pain Peter felt. He could practically feel it radiating from every pore in Peter's body. It hit Tony worse than he'd ever been hit in a fight. It hurt worse than the Hulk throwing him into the ground. It wasn't just pain, Tony was afraid. He was downright terrified and ashamed of himself.

“Peter...” Tony choked out. “Peter, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry.” Peter curled up on the floor, his back against the wall, face buried in his hands. Tony could see Peter's shoulders shaking and could hear terrible sobs wrack his small frame.

Tony knelt down beside, full of worry. God, how could he have missed this? He didn't spend much time with the younger hero. No one ever did, except Daredevil and Deadpool, but Peter was supposed to be a part of the Avengers. He was supposed to be their teammate.

Tony scooted closer to him and, after a moment of hesitation, wrapped his arms around Peter, carefully. He pulled him against his chest and held him there delicately with the fear that any stronger and he might break Peter.

He could only stroke Peter's soft hair and murmur to him, “I'm so sorry, Peter… I'm so so sorry…” Peter leaned into him after a while and it was then when Peter wrapped his arms around Tony and clung to him as if at any moment he would be flung to his death.

It was the most heartbreaking thing Tony had ever seen. He was overwhelmed with shame and guilt as Peter sobbed against him, tears soaking into Tony's shirt. Tony wanted to take time to berate himself, but right now Peter was the most important person to him and taking care of Peter came first.

“Peter,” he spoke to him with a bit of command to his voice, “look at me. Can you do that?” Tony bit his lip with Peter's bloodshot, teary eyes looked up at him. “You're not worthless. You never were.” Tony untangled his arms enough to wipe the tears from Peter's cheeks.  
“You kick as much ass as Hulk does and let's face it, you're ten times as awesome as ol' birdbrain. You are the most kind, patient, and strong member out of all of us.” Tony paused to take a breath. “We just – we just want to make sure you're safe.” The frown of disbelief on Peter's face was like a knife easing its way into his heart.

“It's true. We push you so hard because we don't want to lose you. We want you to be ready for any danger there is.” Tony's voice was low, but insistent. “Peter, we love you. Honestly, we do. But we've been pushing you too hard and… for that I'm – we're so sorry Peter.” Tony failed to hide a hiccup as tears overflowed from his own eyes.

He wiped his eyes with frustration. Tony – no, all of the Avengers weren't allowed to feel shitty. Peter was the one they'd pushed to his limits. Peter was the one hurting. Peter was their victim. It made Tony grimace to think of it like that, but it was true. They had caused this.

Tony was never one for affection but he tilted his head and kissed Peter's forehead. “I'm sorry, Peter. We're sorry. I swear to you, it won't happen again. Please can you – can you please give us another chance?”

Peter had sat there, listening as Tony practically begged for Peter's forgiveness. It was astonishing for Peter to see the very self-hatred that he had for himself in Tony's eyes. That was the deciding factor. That was how Peter knew he meant it.

Honestly, he was frustrated with the idea that they had pushed him 'for his protection', but he could see that Tony really meant every word he said. He sniffled a bit louder than he'd of liked. “I… I love being an Avenger. I love working with everyone and helping people. Honestly I'm not sure how to fix this” he gestured to himself “but I want to stay…”

There was so much more Peter wanted to say. It was all too complicated to put into words though. Luckily, it seemed Tony understood. He caught Tony's eyes and Tony smiled a little bit at Peter. It was enough and Peter cracked a small smile in return.

“I know. We all need to work on this.” Tony unwrapped himself from Peter and stood up, stretching his legs. “But first… maybe some hot chocolate?” He helped Peter up off the floor. Peter laughed a little. Hot chocolate did sound good. Chocolate was always good, even when messed up apparently. “Sure,” Peter nodded as the two of them headed up to the communal kitchen.

To think it all started with a screwed up recipe for chocolate coconut candy.


End file.
